diff --git a/_mental_models/observe-relationship.md b/_mental_models/observe-relationship.md index 89a3bdc..1a4cd5b 100644 --- a/_mental_models/observe-relationship.md +++ b/_mental_models/observe-relationship.md @@ -6,26 +6,50 @@ summary: Observing our relationship helps us determine its benefit prerequisites: --- -#### Description +### Description -Most of our relationships are organic and we rarely sit down and think what we're getting out of the relationship. Sometimes we're together with someone just because of familiarity even if it is toxic. On another note when asked we tend to not be able to say why we like someone because usually the reason is the sum of 1000 little things. Those 1000 things are what our subconcious thinks we need at that point in time. +Most of our relationships form organically. We rarely sit down and consciously evaluate what we are gaining from them. Sometimes we stay close to someone simply because of familiarity — even when the relationship may be unhealthy or misaligned. On the other hand, when asked why we like someone, we often struggle to explain it. The reason is usually not one big thing, but the sum of a thousand small things. Those small things are often what our subconscious believes we need at that point in time. -Another thing to note is, each relationship has an ideal proximity. Getting to close to a certain person might be disastrous. We can share a certain part of our life with someone and not other parts. For example someone we get along very well with might not be the ideal housemate or business partner. Someone we love might not be our ideal companion. +Another important idea: every relationship has an ideal proximity. Getting too close to certain people can be harmful. We may be able to share specific parts of our life with someone, but not others. For example, someone we get along with very well may not be an ideal housemate or business partner. Someone we love may not necessarily be our ideal long-term companion. -This practice increases our skills in surrounding ourselves with the right people at the right level of proximity. +This practice improves your ability to intentionally surround yourself with the right people — at the right level of closeness. -#### Practice: +### Practice: -1. Write down the person you choose to observe -2. Write down their personalities, what you like about them, what you don't like about them. -3. Write down the frequency and the way you spend time with them. -4. Write down your feelings when you spend time with them. -5. Write down the ideal way you would spend time with them. +1. Write down the name of the person you want to observe. +2. Describe their personality. +3. Write what you like about them. +4. Write what you don’t like about them. +5. Note how often you see them and in what context. +6. Describe how you feel when you spend time with them. +7. Define the ideal way you would like to spend time with them. #### Example 1: -1. Mr. Bernard -2. Bullshits a lot, smart, logical, likes talking alot. I like his smartness & creativity, I don't like his decision making & circle of friends. -3. Twice a month in a social gathering -4. I feel easy to be open, a bit frustrated when he talks a lot, but easy to hang around, fun to play games with. -5. Talk about ideas & play games. +**Mr. Bernard** +- _Personality_: Talkative, intelligent, logical, sometimes exaggerates. +- _What I like_: His intelligence and creativity. +- _What I don’t like_: His decision-making and the influence of his social circle. +- _Current frequency & context_: Twice a month in social gatherings. +- _How I feel around him_: I feel comfortable being open. Sometimes slightly frustrated when he talks too much. Overall, he’s easy to be around and fun to play games with. +- _Ideal interaction_: Discuss ideas and play games together. + +#### Example 2: + +**Anna** +- _Personality_: Empathetic, emotionally expressive, spontaneous, occasionally dramatic. +- _What I like_: Her warmth and emotional support. She checks in on me and makes me feel cared for. +- _What I don’t like_: She can be reactive and sometimes pulls me into unnecessary drama. +- _Current frequency & context_: Weekly coffee meetups and frequent texting. +- _How I feel around him_: Supported and understood. Occasionally emotionally drained after intense conversations. +- _Ideal interaction_: Meet every two weeks for deeper, meaningful conversations while setting clearer boundaries around emotional venting. + +#### Example 3: + +**David** +- _Personality_: Disciplined, ambitious, structured, highly focused on productivity. +- _What I like_: His work ethic and clarity. Being around him makes me want to improve. +- _What I don’t like_: He can be overly critical and dismissive of emotional topics. +- _Current frequency & context_: Coworking together 3–4 times a week. +- _How I feel around him_: Motivated and sharp. Sometimes tense or slightly judged. +- _Ideal interaction_: Continue coworking for accountability, but limit vulnerable personal sharing.